i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
It's never too late to be topless.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
