Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
My bed is full of blood and feathers
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
