you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
