I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
