She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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