She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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