Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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