drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
