Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
