We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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