I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
