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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
