You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
