I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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