I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
