omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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