if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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