He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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