I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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