ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
