If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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