I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
