There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
