I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
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