If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Sext me about skeletons
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
