I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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