upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
