Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
it hurts more in the daytime
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
