I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
