Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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