What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
