I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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