i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
my god I love twenty year old dicks
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
