is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
