I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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