It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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