Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
