She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
