Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
how do flat chested girls get laid?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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