Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
