dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
