Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
