I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
