I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
