and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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