i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
