Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
