dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
