Don't you send me to vm
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
