You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
